Darlene Egelhoff
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Great blog Darlene. I think you are a great mom and I enjoyed reading all of your posts. Your photos are really fun to look at and I wish you the best.
Thanks! I appreciate your encouragement and support. HAve a GREAT day! (: blessings, Dar
I think you are a fantastic mother. I have read a few of your posts, including the ones pertaining to your estranged relationship with Heidi. In the end, you did what you thought was best, and you’re still doing what you think is best…and for the right reasons.
Give yourself a little credit. Life isn’t perfect. People make their own decisions. And you can only control your amazing self.
OK! GREAT advice! and you are absolutely right! (: you certainly must be a blessing to all you meet XO blessings, Dar
I just heard about your blog and after reading a few posts I have to say, you are amazing! I am recommending your blog to my mother because like you, she is an amazing woman who has raised two very happy, twenty-something daughters who are now out in the world. I feel like reading your blog gives me a bit of insight into her. I’m also telling her about your great recipes – we are a family that loves to cook fresh, hearty meals together and your Colorado cuisine is the sort of thing we love! Keep writing, you have a beautiful and inspiring voice.
Thankyou SO MUCH!!!1 I appreciate your encouragement and support. Sounds like your mom and I probably have a lot in common (: My chef/husband will be writing all the recipes now that he’s unemployed, our restaurant in going out of business. I’ll be sharing about it in a future post. Thanks for taking the time to write! God bless, dar
Darlene
I heard of your blog through Perezhilton.com and was so excited to read your blog. I am a mother myself of a young girl and I wanted to tell you that I know it must be so hard watching Heidi go through all this and not being able to speak with her. When I was 19 I went almost a year without talking to my parents because they didn’t agree with my lifestyle and rightfully so. There came a breaking point when I needed my family and I knew they would be there for me. The same thing I pray will happen with Heidi. Keep reaching out to her and she will come around.
Your family is truly in my prayers and I wish you the best of luck on your blog. I have loved what you wrote so far. =)
Dana
Funny enough Perez Hilton is the only blog or media I look at. He has all the scoop first and more than anyone. I don’t actually stalk Heidi but I can’t resist checking in on her the only way I know how. I actually met him briefly at Heidi’s wedding. He was so cute and seemingly a super happy guy. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Unfortunately I am afraid Heidi too will need to get to a breaking point to recconnect with her family. I have total faith in her and especially in God that He will make all this for good and all will be well. I covet your prayers and will add you to my prayer list as well. I spend a lot more time in prayer than ever before (: Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. Have a GREAT day! blessings, Darlene
we are all a work in progress. please don’t beat yourself up over choices that loved ones have made. you did you best to instill them with values & principles to be a successful and loving adult. trust that everything will come back on it’s proper course!
That’s for sure! I don’t for the most part, but it sneaks up on me sometimes. It still doesn’t seem real. I do have faith in Heidi and comple trust I God. Thanks for your encouragement and support (: God bless, Darlene
Perez hilton mentioned your blog so i figured i would check it out. Looking forward to following it…Good luck
I met him at heidis wedding, he was super cute. Thanks for the encouragement, blessings, Darlene
Darlene,
I am about the age of your daughters and I can’t imagine life without talking to my mother every day. We weren’t always like this. We went through some rough times where I only talked to her out of necessity and rarely appreciated her. I have an older sister (3.5 years older) and my sister and my mom have been my biggest support system. Even when I didn’t want them there for me, I knew they always were. Heidi will come around. Just be patient and give her time. It took me about 10 years to have the awesome relationship I do with my mom and sister but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Heidi knows your heart and knows she can always come home to you. I’ll be praying that it’s sooner than later.
I’m sorry to hear about the closing of your restaurant. I’ll be praying your husband finds a new job soon. Remember – You are a wonderful mother. Just ask Holly, she’ll tell it to you straight!
{hugs and God bless}
Lee
PS – I also found your blog because of PerezHilton… love him! I’m adding it to my blog list and look forward to more motherly insight.
Ha, youre right! Holly does tell me all the time (: I covet your prayer and appreciate your kind , encouraging words. I met Perez at Heidis wedding, he was so cute! Thanks for taking the time to write. God Bless, Darlene
I really appreciate you sharing your fears/joys/questions about being a mother. My daughter is only 17 mos old and I am already preparing myself for our inevitable separation of when she starts school, has her own friends, goes to University, etc…. : )
Thanks for sharing.
Sounds like you wont miss a thing! (: Focus on the moment. Preparing for seperation doesnt’ seem to make it easier. Thanks for taking the time to write, enjoy being a mom to the fullest! God bless, Darlene
Hi Darlene,
I just wanted to tell you how much I love your blog! I’m a soon-to-be mommy and it’s giving me a realistic look at motherhood. You are a very talented writer and your posts truly capture my attention, provoking intense thoughts and feelings.
I truly hope for the best in regards to your relationship with Heidi (she will one day see the truth). I don’t know her, but I can’t help but feel as though if I were her friend, I would want to look at her and scream “open your eyes!” She had so much natural beauty and such a loving heart…she wants to see only the good in her husband, which is fine, except that it’s taking away from who she truly is. She has so much potential and could really go far; she just needs to come to the realization that she truly is strong enough to do it on her own.
Again, I wish you all the best and look forward to reading more of your blog posts.
~Jessica
Thanks you so much! Congratulations on your baby! Dont take a minute of parenting for granted, live in the moment (: Heid is an amazing, sweet, generous, kind person. She’ll come around. I have total faith in her and most importantly in God. Thanks for your encouragement and support. Blessings, Darlene
What a beautiful blog. I am new to parenting, I have a 1.5 year old. But I often already ask myself some of the questions you’ve posed on here. I find so much happiness in my daughter, I just know it’s going to be tough to let go and let her be an adult one day. Thank you for sharing. I will definitely be back!
Perez Hilton ROCKS!!
Knowing that at your young age will help you not miss a thing (; I met Perez at Heid’s wedding, he was super cute! Thanks for your encouragement and for taking the time to write, God bless Darlene
Darlene,
Thank you so much for creating this blog! I am a young mother of two young girls, Charlotte (2 years) and Harriet (8 months). My journey as a mother has just begun but I find I am already asking myself questions, that you have met upon your journey as a mother. How to nurture and provide protection from this crazy world without control? Must one allow them to follow those people and situations that feel instinctually are negative to me as a mother, or intervene? Will this life investment ultimately result in them not wanting me to be in theirs? Will they reject me as my own mother did me? Can I find balance and still do those things that define me, or does this new definition of “mother” reign?
You are an intelligent, wonderful motherly addition to the blogosphere. I appreciate your wisdom and hope that you can find solace and strength. From your posts it is evident that your children are amazing. They are all on different journeys and even though the nest may be emptying soon, I do know they will return.
Your beautiful Heidi has received a lot of media attention which must be difficult for her to deal with. We all recognize what a charming young woman she is. She is intelligent, articulate, passionate, loyal and deserving of every happiness.
My regards to you and your family,
Crystal (27 year old mama from Ottawa, Canada)
the-mess-in-messenger.blogspot.com
I know! It’s so hard! They’re peers have a stronger influence often than we do so it’s so important to teach them how to choose healthy relationships from as early as yours (: We ahve to do our best and teach as much as possible as long as they live with us and any opportunities they give us after that, which are few. You can’t live with those fears, they are not from God. They are robbing you of your joys today. Looking for teachable moments and make them special. We can’t put off our own insecuriteis from our past relationships onto them, thats not fair to anyone. Just try and improve on what we had and focus on what was good about it. We must find the balance and keep a seperate identity not only for ourselves but to role mode healthy parenting to our kids.
youre words are very wisw and encouraging thank you so muc for your support. God bless you and your family (: XO Darlene
You have such a genuine and honest, poetic approach to the way that you write. I encourage you to keep with the idea of writing a book. Based on that alone I know that people would read it. I think a lot of people could learn from. Parenting isn’t about giving up in tough times or doing things the convenient way. It is about being there for your children and trying your best to guide them, protect them, allow them to grow and just love them. You’re amazing!! I don’t have children of my own yet, but this helps me see things through my mother’s perspective who has experienced her children growing up and going off on their own, and has had to deal with (IS dealing with) redefining her life and understanding what’s next.
Please keep writing – I WILL keep reading!!
I’ll TOTALLY keep writing! You are so right and wise. Parenting is the hardest job anyone will ever love, it’s alot of WORK emotionally and physically. You clearly will make a WONDERFUL mother someday. A shared perspective is always best! Thanks for your kind words of support and encouragement. God bless, Dar
One word:
What?
love, Frank.
two words: What? What? (: blessings, Dar
Hi Darlene! Great blog, so sweet the words you use to describe the love you have for your family!
I hope that one day Heidi will realize the error in her ways and come back to the wonderful life she left behind.
You have a beautiful family…have faith and all will work out in the end.
Thanks! She will, I have complete faith in her and total trust in God to make all work for good! blessings, Dar
Hey Darlene! I’m so glad you started this. Admittedly, I found you through Perez too and wanted to see what you’d say about Heidi but I loved reading the entire blog and will follow your journey to becoming an empty nester. A few things. First, I recall being about Heidi’s age and dating a real turd (pardon me) and butting heads with my Mom severely because of it. I eventually dropped the dead weight and regained my relationship with my Mom. I hope this happens for you and Heidi too. I thought it was all “just for TV” and a joke but am so sad to discover it’s real. My heart breaks for you because it was obvious to viewers that you were saying what you said to make her see her beauty as she was born. Someday she’ll “get it.” Secondly, I have an 18 yr old and am already sad thinking of the college days he’ll have next year. I define myself by my kids and I wonder how it will be when I’m not a fulltime Mom. Many hugs to you, hon!
I love Perez! I met him at Heid’s wedding, he’s SUPER cute! Admittedly he’s the only media I look at to follow Heidi every now and then. You are absolutely right. I have complete faith in her and total trust in God. My son Sky is off to college next year! I’ll be writiung about my transition in to the empty nest ): It’ll be GREAT! (: I dont really think theres much of a way to prepare, it doesnt hurt any less. BUT… life gets even better. Thanks for your encouragement and support! God Bless, dar
Hi Darlene
I too heard of your blog from perezhilton.com haha. I’m a freshman in college and I just wanted to let you know that you truly are an inspiration. It’s nice to know that someone “in the spot light” if you will, has a firm faith. I too, like your son and his girlfriend, have decided to wait until marriage. Thank you for your inspiration and God bless.
GOOD FOR YOU! Stay strong and in prayer, God will reward you richly! Thanks for taking the time to write, God bless (: Darlene
I really enjoyed your blog and hope Heidi comes around to speak to you again. I’m also quite sad that The Hills is over and we can no longer see you on the show. Best wishes and I hope everything goes well with your life
Thanks! She will…. eventually (: Thanks for your encouragement and support! blessings, dar
Darlene– I know are going through a hard time, but everything will turn out. you are focusing on what you did wrong to make heidi pull away, but in reality Spencer is who is pulling her away from you. You didnt do anything wrong, and Heidi knows that deep down. I will pray for you.
Thanks for your encouragement and support. I preach personal resposibilty and as a mother I have to search myself. BUT…. i’m focusing on my son Sky who still lives at home and AAAAAAAALL my blessings! (: I covet your prayers! God bless, Dar
What a touching and poignant blog. Nicely done. Coming from a teacher, who sees parents of every kind – keep it up, you’re doing it the right way. Love and faith is all it takes.
That means a lot (; thanks for your encouragement and support. blessings, darlene
Hi Darlene!
I have been watching Heidi on TV ever since she started appearing on Laguna Beach and have definitely developed a soft spot for her and your family. I realize that there’s a lot of editing involved in reality TV but I could always tell that the interactions between you, Holly and Heidi were genuine. To watch you cry over your daughter and to watch Holly cry over her sister was truly heartbreaking, and I can only imagine what it must feel like for both you and Holly. I want you to know that what you are doing with this website is one of the best decisions you will probably ever make pertaining to your current unfortunate situation with Heidi. It serves as a form of therapy for you and I’m sure gives you comfort to know that Heidi might be reading it. Stop blaming yourself for what happened, she made her choices in life because it is her life, and there’s really no point in you nit picking at every word you’ve ever said to her or regretting a bunch of things. Humans are flawed, we will sometimes say “the wrong thing”, but ultimately she will realize that your words and actions always come from a good place and that you love her unconditionally. She is your child and you will never be able to put her out of your mind, but if you come to peace with her decision to cut the family out of her life then you will be able to move on and when she does come back to you, which she will, then it will be a wonderful surprise. Live your life to the fullest in spite of everything, you still have two of your children present in your life and they need you to continue being the mother you have always been to them.
Although I do not know you personally, your blogs make me feel like I’m getting an insight into your true feelings and also gives me an idea of what type of thought process my mother has. I will keep following your site and I hope that happiness is a re-occurring theme in your life. You have my e-mail address now, if you would like to chat on a non-public forum, you are more than welcome to write me!
Wow, THANKS! It is very theraputic and recieving encouragement and support from gracious people like you helps me to heal. My original intention was in hopes that it will tug on Heidis heartstrings and make her want to reconnect with us. Hopefully she wont take it the wrong way. I have come to a place of peace… for the most part. I’m waaaaay better anyway and I believe it’s temporary. The worst is over I focus on My son, Sky who still lives at home and I have a super awesome relationship with Holly. Thank you so much for your encouragemrnt and support!!! God Bless, Darlene
Wow, I’m a college student but I’m looking forward to reading what you write. You seem like an extremely genuine person with a good heart. Any outlet that chooses to empower and uplift women (including yourself in the process) sounds like a great idea! All the best!
Thanks! (: I appreciate the encouragement and support! blessings, Darlene
Darlene, you are a great writer! I stumbled across this blog in the CB News. I look forward to your insight in motherhood since I have a son! We live in Fl. but love to visit CB in August. Will be back to read more! Thanks!
YEA! Thanks! I appreciate your encouragement and support! God bless, Darlene
hi darlene, i found out about your blog on people.com and was very excited to read it. i love the way you write and the love you have for your children is amazing. they are so lucky to have a mother like you! i was always a follower of the hills and loved heidi from the beginning. it breaks my heart to see how spencer has changed her and even more so that you two are not speaking right now. i hope she finds her way and realizes how wonderful you are and how much you love her! i look forwarding to reading more blog posts from you, and you should definitely write a book! you are an excellent writer!
love, dayna
Thnak you SO MUCH!!! I have full confidence and faith in Heidi and especially God! He will make all this for good and use her in poerful ways. My dream is to write a book someday (: Thanks so much for the encouragement and support. God bless, Darlene
Hey Darlene,
Your blog is really touching. I really like to read your entries and you seem like a genuinely smart and wise woman/mom. You are doing the right thing by writing down all your emotions and what’s going on in your life.
Heidi is a beautiful human being and she will come around. She just needs to do mistakes on her own and be the young adult she thinks she wants to be but deep down she knows what truly matters and that you and your family will always be there for her.
I just want you to know that no matter all the media circus going on around her your daughter has constantly been a source of inspiration over the last 4 years and that she means so much to me. She’s talented, beautiful. A true goddess.
I think the lack of confidence drove her to the wrong circle of people but ultimately she’ll find a way to shine on her own. Of course she will, she’s Heidi
Hands down for this amazing blog. You are doing a great job here.
All my thoughts and prayers goes to you and your family.
Love from Paris France
I completely agree with you! I LOVE your comments! You seem to get her (:She truly is amazing and wonderful, I miss her so much (sniff sniff) God is GREAT, He’ll make all things for good in His time, which by the way is often LATE in my opinion (:Thanks SO MUCH for your encouragement and support! I LOVE PARIS!!!! God bless, Darlene
Hi Darlene
I love your blog. I am 24 years 0ld and do not have a good realtionship with my mom, she abandoned me when I was 13 after her & my father divorced. I’ve watched the Hills ever since Laguna Beach days, Heidi was always my favorite. Whenever your family was on the show I always admired how normal & geuine your love was for eachother. I will pray for you & hope that Heidi will wake up & realize how lucky she is to have a mom who wants to be in her life. You are my dream mom! Can’t wait to read more blogs from you.
<3 Jenn
I’m so sorry for your pain, so hard to understand. It’s easy to see why Heid was your favorite. She has a spark and elegance like no other. So fun, so sweet so genuine.Thank you so much for your kind words I’ll hold you in my prayers. I wish I could be your mom (: God bless, Darlene
Hi Darlene, I’ve been reading all these comments here and although I know this blog isn’t about Heidi, but about you and you preparing for you last child to leave home, I just can’t help but ask what it is I’m wondering. How did Heidi end up in LA and on the Hills? And this change in her, from the beginning to the end, did you see it as it went a long or was a big shock to you and the family when she turned her back on everything? I was also wondering, if you are scared for her. Now that Spencer has been on TV saying she isn’t allowed to go on the net, or watched TV and been controlling. I read that Lauren Conrad was so scared of him at the finale she wore a tazer gun. Are you worried at all about Heidi’s safety with him? Or do you think it’s just a game to him and that he is harmless?
I also would like to take this opportunity to say that you have real talent as a writer! Maybe that should be you’re new career path! I can really feel what you feel through your words and it’s I’m there! I also think it’s so nice of you to take the time to respond to all of your comments. I wish you all the best and good luck!
Long story short, Heidi met Lauren at college in San Francisco, they were instantly best friends. She was still filming Laguna which led to The Hills. She wanted Heidi on the show. (: Heidi is in a unique situation but at the same time is going through a relatively commom seperation from her family which is a large reason why I feel complelled to share my feelings with other moms. I recieved hundreds of emails over the last couple years from so many hurting mothers and daughters. I seriously doubt Lauren wore a tazer or that she is afraid. She is very strong, wise and competent. Not to mention security was naturally high anyway. I have no fears for Heidi. God is in control and has GREAT plans for her. (: Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. God Blesss, Darlene
Thanks for your encouragement and support. I believe and have complete confidence in Heids. She’s living a life that is unchartered territory for most with no coaching or guidance from people who dearly love her. God is in control and He will make ALL for good! Thanks for taking the time to write! God bless, Darlene
Darlene,
Okay, I just have to start off by telling you that you and your blog are amazing. Secondly, I have watched Laguna Beach and the Hills from the exact day they began airing. And yes, Heidi was my favorite person, always. I still follow her and am always reading the media outlets and blogging sites and she still is my favorite, i just think she is so caught up in the whole “hollywood” thing that she doesnt know what is real anymore. No matter what she does or changes she still will be my favorite and the most intersting one to read about and look forward to.
Enough about that, I just want to say it is so frustrating as a fan and viewer, the way she has turned her back on you. I only wish YOU the best and just know her love for you exists, she is just not in touch with herself right now (and I know you know this). You have an amazing family and although it is near your feared EMPTY NEST lol just think positively; more you time, more Tim time, do whatever YOU want! I know all your kids adore you, so no need to worry. Just pray and thats about all you can really do and I know God always has his own plan (even if it is not what you would like)
You are terrific, I have read every word you have posted so far and it only gets better.
The best to you and your family,
Sincerely,
Alicia
&& i know you are probably up to your ears in comments pertaining to Heidi and that I am sorry for bringing her up. I know this blog is about you growing into your own individual person and I know you will be an amazing one! I enjoy reading your posts and will continue to read them daily!
Sincerely, Alicia
AAAAAND.. you’re awesome! (:XO
Thank you!!! You’re so sweet! Any changes of Heidi’s that are less than admirable are temporary and a result of youth which all of us experience. Her essence and spirit are pure, loving and kind. Thank you so much for your encouragement and support! AND for taking the time to write! I’m beyond excited to see what God hasi planned for us! (: God Bless, Dar
Darlene,
Thank you so much for this wonderful blog! It’s so nice to read about the everyday of a mother, and the ups and downs of life. Keep on writing, and I’ll keep on reading
Lots of love from Norway, and the mother of a 1,5 y old son:)
Thank you! I appreciate you encouragement and support (: God Bless, Darlene
Hi Darlene,
Like most other people, I found your family situation to be quite difficult to watch on The Hills. It was truly heartbreaking to see your pain and watch you cry for your daughter. You are a brave woman putting it all out there for the world to see and its just such a shame it all came to that.
Keep having faith that Heidi will find her way back to you. I too, at a younger age, was in a relationship with a controlling, manipulative man who drove me away from my family for a period of time. I changed so much as a person during that time and allowed myself to be “moulded” into someone who was perfect for him, but not for me. Eventually I grew out of the mould and moved on. I reconciled with my family and started living a life for myself. Heidi must find her own path back to the things she knows are most important in life – God, family, good health and happiness.
In the meantime, keep doing what you are doing and continue to work on your own healing process. Everything works out just the way its supposed to, just the way God intends. All in good time.
Best wishes and God Bless
So sweet of you to share your personal story, Thanks for the encouragement and support. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I started filming. Hind sight is 20/20 I have total faith in Heidi, she is an amazing, loving, kind, generous, precious woman. God will make all for good in His time. Nothing can shake my faith (: Have a GREAT day! God bless, Darlene
Hi Darlene,
I was reading what someone wrote about your future career path, honestly you should write a book. You defintely have a natural ability and your blog is really relaxing & enjoyable to read. Honestly, I feel so terrible for your family and hope too that you find comfort in prayer for all your troubles with heidi. I watched the hills from the start and really feel like her boyfriend zoned in on her for the fame, to use and abuse her, something Im sure he’s only too used to doing. It was sickening to watch to be honest, and see how she changed so dramtically. He isolated her from all those who loved her and literally drained her of her former bubbly self.
Heidi has a lot of soul searching to it seems, she too will have to face up for her part in all of this. She was incredibly blessed, and is in need of a serious reality check! I dont mean to be hurtful but at times on the show I found her quite brazen with her treatment towards you and other friends. I just dont understand how your dissapproval over her boyfriend could warrant such behaviour towards you. She has some serious growing up to do, because very few people in ‘real life’ will tolerate such behaviour, those that arent looking to profit from her at least. I hope she leaves the bubble of hollywood ,re enters the real world and finds herself again. Best of luck to you all. xxx
I would love to write several books! I have some GREAT ideas for books! (: Truth is I don’t know how, maybe something will come of this blog. It’s an easy way to start. Thanks for your encouragement and support! Heidi will be better than ever eventually. She has an AMAZING spark and elegance like no other. Her essence is pure, kind, loving,sweet and generous. God will make all for good I KNOW IT! I’m excited for that time. He’s already done a beautiful work in the rest of our family and likely Heidi too I just haven’t talked to her ): Thanks for taking the time to write and share, you are so sweet God bless Darlene
Hi Darlene,
wow, what great writing you have. It really comes from the heart. I’ve been thinking about starting a family soon with my partner…..and it’s great to have insight about motherhood from another person too.
I have a question….you mentioned an eating-disorder. Were you talking about yourself? 10 years of one? Do you still have it? Did you hide it for a long time?
reason I’m asking is because I’ve been struggling with mine for 12 years (I’m 30) – Anorexia and Bulimia…..but I’m still in love with it…. I’m not ready to part with it. It’s my blanket and secret….but I hate it at the same time, and want to get rid of it and be free from it. How did you recover from it? Did you seek professional help?
Oh yes…P.S. I completely identified with you in your post when you thought “At least I’m thinner than you”. GOSH, I have that terrible thought everyday…even about thsoe I love.
You don’t have to answer these personal questions…and if you would like to delete this post I will not be offended.
Thanks!
Oh honey I’m so sorry, my heart breaks because I feel and understand your pain, it’s very raw and close to my heart. I was bulimic for over ten years, almost 15 to be honest. I suffered sexual abuse and was raised in a very controling enviroment with guilt and shame, although my mom was very loving and wonderful. the perfect storm for an eating disorder. It was my coping skill. I could turn inward allowing me to not be controling or hurt anyone else. We were raised to not talk back. Not share emotions. Nothing was up for discussion. “stuff” all our feelings.. Addictions ran high amongst my brothers and my self. My mom is incredible and I so look forward to telling her amazing story. I don’t blame my parents, they did the best they could and came from such difficult, abusive childhoods. I have only been healed for a couple years. It was adult onset for me, funny enough when I was finally in a safe place emotionally did I allow myself to honestly view and accept the things that happened to me in my past. I had protected myself by being so tough on every level. I will be sharing as much as I can with out hurting anyone very soon, I could write a book on all this today but I have to go (: The hardest part for me was the end of my recovery although truth is I’ll always be in recovery and need to be honest with myself and others about that too. Towards the end I knew as much as I could know and still chose to binge and purge. That was the most frightening time. I thought I’d never be healed, it became a habit with no cause or purpose. That wasn’t true. There were still emotions uncovered. I relate fully to your comment. it’s your blanket… love it, hate it. It’s fatal. It will likely kill you. You MUST stop at any cost. This is very serious. It’s a psychological disorder that needs professional counseling and many many hours of work. I couldn’t afford help. I read every book available and self educated myself. When that wasn’t enough I fully commited my disorder to God. I chose to believe I was healed even though I was still int the throws of my disorder. God healed me. That’s my answer. I relapsed on several occasions, it wasn’t an over night miracle but a miracle stil.. I went to a recovery group in my church and shared my shame sobbing, beat red so embarrased wishing I was dead. I had to go through that process. Exposing our darkest to the light is the key. The smallest flame in a dark room brings light to the whole room. That’s the beginning. My husband knew about my bulimia from the begining and loved me all the more. I pretended to be healed over the years because I was ashamed of my failure, this made it worse. I have only shared this with my kids this year. I was hyper sensitive and aware , especially of my daughters, of ensuring they had no issues with food. Comparing our self to other people is a HUGE RED FLAG. Be grateful for it, it’s an opportunity to recognize an unhealthy thought, replace it and work towards healing. Pray first for the desire to want to heal. I liked my eating disorder. I didn’t want to give it up. It made me sane and allowed me to not freak out on my family. I had to pray to WANT to change. Start there and stop feeling guilty. You can’t stop something without replacing it with something else. Affirmations, replace bad feeling with a loving thought towards yourself. A real one, how are you a loving person? What do you do to bless others? I hated myself, I had to learn to love myself. Very cultural for many Americans, western cultures. It’s a way of being self obsessed, never a good thing on any level. Guilt and shame are not from God. They are unhealthy thoughts. Soooooooo that’s a start. God bless you, you are in my prayers Jenifer XOXO Darlene
Hi Darlene,
I’m 22 and from Holland and learned about your blog on Perez’ website. I am not a mom but I am a daughter who is sadly parted from her mother. Also I was sexually abused and I have an eating disorder, I was a little shocked when I read one of your replies to one of the comments, I thought I was reading my own journal, except for being a mom. People may say you write all of this to get attention but I think it’s great that you write all of this down. Writing is a type of therapy and to me it’s the best therapy there is. I haven’t had the chance to read all of this but I know what it’s like to lose someone very close to you to fame/a new environment, and I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and people are with you.
Love from Holland.
Darlene,
Like many others, I found your blog mentioned on PerezHilton.com and I’m looking forward to reading through it it.
My mother passed away about a year and a half ago and now – in my twenties – I’m just beginning to understand how much she did and sacrificed for me and my sister. I think that’s something we learn to understand and appreciate with age, and although I don’t have children yet I’m starting to realize how difficult being a mother really is!
I can see that you’re very open and honest about your struggles as a parent…and I think that honesty will have an impact on all of your readers, no matter where they are in life. I so value that openness in others and I’m really interested to read your entries – I know there will be something I can learn from your experiences, even though that stage in life hasn’t yet arrived for me.
Even from seeing your appearances on The Hills from time to time, I’ve seen that your children are lucky to have you as their mother.
Thanks again for sharing with us!
-T
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you at such a young age. As difficult as being a mother is the joy far surpasses and blinds the pain relatively quickly (: Thank you so much for your sweet words, I greatly appreciate your taking the time to share. God Bless, Darlene
you mentioned in one of your posts an eating disorder. maybe you could talk about it? as a mom of a 2 young girls, i also struggle with eating/body issues and would be interested in your experience/insight with this as a mom.
I will eventually, my girls never had this issue. For me it was a result of being raised with guilt and shame and not being allowed to talk about my feelings. If you want to email me persoanlly I’d be happy to try and help. darlene@darleneegelhoff.com
I just read the examples of your struggles & boy are they food for thought!! I’m so proud of you for being so honest about such important issues on such a public forum,,,just we we all need, a little more honesty! God Bless!
Thank you! It helps to put purpose to pain and some how make sense of it (: Blessings, Darlene
Darlene,
I have watched you through the years, sometimes in pain over your children. It reminds me of how much I have hurt my own Mother by choosing bad men over my family. It saddens me for you and Heidi. I do think she is lost, controlled and not herself. I know how much you love her, and what a fantastic Mother you are. I never had a Mother like you. I was child abused by both parents and I still talk to my Mother, but she is not a true Mother, I raised myself, basically. So, someone in my shoes can appreciate the wonderful Mother that you are. So many children don;t appreciate what they have.
I understand your disappointment with Heidi and her surgeries. It was a detrimental, and very poor decision on her part.
Please keep living…HEIDI WILL COME BACK TO YOU, THEY ALWAYS DO. WHEN SPENCER IS GONE, YOUR TRUE, HEIDI WILL RETURN. I PROMISE YOU:) I FEEL YOUR PAIN AS I KNOW WHAT IS LIKE TO MISS FAMILY AND YOUR HEART FEELS RIPPED OUT JUST HAVING NO CONTACT WITH HER. I LIVE WITH THAT PAIN EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE. When you talk to Heidi, do NOT mention anything about her surgery, Spencer, nothing too personal, she will take it wrong. Keep the conversation positive and happy, for her. Heidi is very lost and you can not save her, I am sorry. But, you can continue to love her and wait for her return. look, Mama…she will be back, trust me:) Hang on and stay strong for the whole family.
Like you, I deal with the pain, by hiking, Mt biking, staying active, it is all you can do. I am proud of you for not being ashamed of your maid job. I am proud of any American who takes the initiative to work anywhere to support your family.
Sadly, I have put my own Mother through crap like you have to deal with and I feel so guilty even years later. So, thank you for your blogs, they help me with MY Mother:)
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
HEIDI IS LOST WITHOUT YOU, DEAR. HANG IN THERE, HONEY!! I KNOW SHE MISSES HER “MAMA”.
XOXO
Thank you for such kind words of encouragement and support. I’m sorry things have been so hard for you. You clearly are stronger and more empathetic as a result. Heidi is on her own path of self discovery right now, I do love her more than imagineable. Come to Crested Butte and we’ll go for a ride together (: I don’t take it personally because only hurting people hurt others, I try to see htrough the surface and recognize others pain when they lash out at me. I am big on personal responsibility and have taken my share, that’s all I can do. I am grateful for my cleaning jobs and hoping to pick up a couple more! (: I listen to worship music and enjoy the time to my self. Guilt is not from God, once you apologize sincerely for something there is nothing else you can do, even if your apology is not accepted. God wants us to live a joyous life focusing on our blessings and to BE a blessing to others, like you have done by reaching out to me, God Bless, XO Darlene
Darlene,
I did not write even knowing there would be a response, until after I submitted my comment. Thank you:)
Ironic, and amazing that you said the word, “empathetic”, as I just learned at my ripe old age of 43 that I may be an Empath. So, you even feeling that vibe from me, shows clearly how extremely intelligent you are. That is the one characteristic that makes people believe they can abuse me, being kind and empathetic. It is my strongest attribute and the one I am seen as the “weakest”. I feel society has fallen and only now do I realize how strong I am. You helped me see this with your words of encouragement.
Oh, wanted to add this: I did not mean to ridicule Spencer, I just have dated men like him and know he is wrong for her, clearly. I have hope for him as well:) And, you are right, Heidi is a self-discovery process, we all go through it. It can be crazy at times, and awesome other times. I like that time in my life. Young and free.
You are a Mother, I am not. So, I take your advise seriously. And, you are correct, hurting others comes from hurt within. When I lashed out at my own Mother, it was because she was being abusive, repeatedly. It is not an excuse, but it was not sheer victimization. It was me, begging her to stop, as she abused me as a child as well. I have learned boundaries and do not lash out anymore, even if it is to a unkind soul. My Mother and I are talking, mending our relationship. I have not seen her in a 1/1/2 years, I will this year. I must learn to forgive myself, and then I ask, for what? For taking people’s crap for years? lol I learned I must cope better, with grace. I also learned that forgiving others who are not even remorseful, can take an incredible amount of strength and energy. I have succeeded at this, I forgave. I thank God for giving me a good, kind heart. I am very blessed, and it took me my whole life, thus far, to see this!
I am a Texas girl. But, I lived in Boulder a few years back. I adore Colorado. Even though driving slowly, and ever so carefully, up the Rockies with my TEXAS liscencse plate, was hilarious . As I got honked at by locals the whole way up…lol I was scared, Darlene, it is flat here.lol ( I know you’re laughing)
Thanks for the invite, you’re a doll. I will add that I love that you are so active. Not to brag, but I “clip in” on my bike…;P
I want to visit Colorado in the spring.
Again, your daughters, son and husband are blessed to have you, Darlene. God does want me to live a joyous life, without a Mom like you, or a Father. God is my Father and you reminded me to live for him and me.
God be with you, always.
XO
Wow! What a generous kind person you are! God says we’re at our best when we’re weak because we rely on the power of the universe to work in us, now that’s strength! I think its cultural and fear based when people think empathy and compassion are weak. They are afraid and defensive, putting on facades of strength by being manipulative and controling. Only a truly strong person can see through that and not take things personally. Sounds like you took healthy steps for self protection and preservation. Forgiveness is a gift that liberates us, if we cant forgive ourselves we cant truly forgive anyone else either. Even if others dont accept it, we need to let that go, thats a power some want to hold over us, dont allow it. Holly went to school in Boulder and lived ther after school too, she loved it! I ditched my clip in pedals after shoulder surgery, my best friend wont let it go! (: Look me up when you come in the spring ! God Bless, Darlene
Okay, I will look you up! It is quite dangerous “clipping in”, off road. Can’t say I will do that in CO, y’all have “serious” trails…rofl Scares me just thinking about it:) Sorry you had shoulder surgery..ouch!
Forgot to mention this to you:
I don’t know what you did as a Mother to have all three of your children come out with beautiful, spiritual hearts, but…Geez. You did an excellent job. Heidi and Holly are amazingly sweet in nature, class acts. Your son is a doll, love the video of him and his gf, so lovely. Ahh…young love. Also, I bet all the Ladies on here would love to see a “vintage photo” of YOU!!! I bet you were a knock out. How did you and your Hubbies manage to have such gorgeous offspring?? It is crazy, all three are absolutely stunning. More than that, they are gentle, kind, intelligent and loving.
I would tell you what it is like for Heidi to be without you, but I do not want to make you sad. No matter how much excitement and fun is going on in her young life, she is missing you more than you can ever imagine. I can not even put into words how much she hurts on the inside, it probably won’t be too long before you see the “break through”. The sole reason I do NOT like her Husband, is I saw how he treats Heidi, You, Holly, heck, your whole family. His behavior was deplorable. Any man or woman who disconnects you , or ostracizes you from your family is as abusive as a violent offender, emotionally , of course. The outcome and results are the same. It is against God to rip a family apart, and this society has shown that family units are diminishing by the thousands! It is foreseen by God, and in the Bible.
And, yes, Darlene, it is fear based, I believe, too. I also think some is envy and jealousy, ever noticed how most folks don’t like when people are joyful? Like Heidi? That is strength, yet they see her as weak. I don’t. Heidi seems like a genuinely good, kind soul. She, and Holly were my favorites on The Hill. I love the sparkle in Heidi. She love to smile, she must have gotten that from Mama:)
I used my friends email the last emails I sent you. I had changed my account, so if you see my real name, Alayne, on the email address, that is me.
No need to reply, I just feel for you as My Mother and I JUST went through 1 1/2 years of no contact, it was excruciatingly painful. And, now we write everyday and I am going to high-tail it up to Tennessee and see her this year.
So, if my crazy family can heal, forgive and mend, your sweet family will too!! lol I can feel it happening sooner than later. God, the advice I could give Heidi, wish she would go speak to a Counselor, she needs guidance. That is how I came to this peace, with a Counselor.
Again, Happy Holiday for the rest of the year. Thank you for your time, in writing. It is nice to see there are sweet souls in the world. I am rebuilding my life after a bad relationship. I will meet new, good folks , in time. This “aint’” exactly, the good ole days, now is it? lol
By you just relating to me, as a woman, it helped. I am going to Mass on Sunday and start going regularly. I feel much better going to Church.
And also with you:)
p.s. I will email you next year when I know when I will be there. There are not many female Mt bikers here, so it would be very cool to ride with you and your friends.
That’s a mystery! I never was a knock out, just very average, but strong! (I’ll take muscle over beauty given a choice) God’s design and perfect plan, I think He made all 3 of my kids unbelievably attractive, must be fun to be so good looking (: You are going straight for my heart, you compliment a mothers kids and you’ve won her over (: My birthday is Tuesday, I’ll be 48 I LOVE getting older! maybe I can post some old pics of me for that, I have NO IDEA where there might be some, hmmm…I guess my moms house. We learn more from the bad than the good, character and strength are developed under trial. Heidi will be better and stronger and more beautiful than ever with more to contribute to the world as a result. She will use her fame for Gods Kingdom and bring glory to God giving her ultimate peace and joy, and I’ll be rith there with her all the way, even if it’s just in spirit. God Bless, Darlene
I just wanted to tell you how badly my heart breaks for you right now, but have faith! This is coming from a girl who moved from a small town in the midwest to live in CA for 10 years when I was 17. There were MANY times I was on the outs with my family due to poor decisions I made and bad people I got involved with. At one point I couldn’t take it anymore and called my parents for help, and lucky for me, they were there with open hearts. I moved back to the “small town” I was so desperate to get away from as a youth and have been back for 5 years and never been happier in my life! I have every hope in the world that your story ends the same, I can’t believe I lost so much precious time with my mother and I have a good feeling Heidi feels the same and will come around. Fingers crossed for you!!
Nothing better than experience, we learn MUCH more from our mistakes than from anything else, and it helps us to relate to other people and be more compassionate and understanding. Thank you for sharing your story, SO GLAD you are so happy! I am too (: and I have complete faith in Heidi and total trust in God that He will make ALL things for good! God Bless, Darlene
Hello,
I often watched the hills. I saw how heidi changed and think its spencer fault. This guy is crazy… Heidi was sooo natural and beautiful before her surgery. I mean the surgery is one thing but cuting off the contact to family? Doesnt she feel bad when she sees the pictures of her and her family?
I love my family and i know sometime heidi will come back and will talk to you. Trust me, she is your child and she loves you…
Greetings from germany…
Levin
I have complete faith in Heidi and know without a doubt she loves all of us, she is beyond amazing and is just on her own path right now. Thanks for your encouragement and support! God Bless, Darlene
Hi Darlene
I’m a 25 year old girl from Norway , who just spend most of this saturday night reading this blog , and tears are falling .. You seems like a really beautiful person , Darlene
And a good mother , who is really proud of her kids 
I wish you all the best
Hugs from Norway
Aw, HOW SWEET!!! I’m so glad to have you! (: Thanks for taking the time to write, God Bless, Darlene
Hi Darlene,
As a mother of a teenage daughter (16 years old…woa!) I wanted to express my empathy towards the lessons you’ve been open heartedly sharing. The past two years have been a struggle of finding myself outside the role of mother, and learning the boundaries of healthy parenting. Without diving too much into what you’ve gone through, I must mention how much I appreciate your strength! You truly are a fabulous mother! Being an involved parent means more these days then it ever before. So many kids these days are raising themselves, that to find a parent who’s world is wrapped around their kids is a breath of fresh air. I was told by my son’s stepmother a couple of years ago that my relationship with my children was unhealthy, and it took a long time of self reflection to realize how untrue that statement was (she herself is pregnant with her first child….boy does she have a lot to learn!) The love I feel for my kids is vast and deep…there is nothing wrong with wrapping your world around your children as long as you dont lose your own identity in the process. Your daughter will come to realize how lucky she is to have mom like you! I look forward to witnessing more enlightenments from your journey, there is still so much I yearn to learn!
Blessings to you and your family!
Wow, your kids are deeply blessed by having you for a mom. I was told once by a counselor that I needed to “relearn how to parent” I felt that was so irresponsible and absolutely wrong, even so it threw me into deep depression. She was about 27 with no kids, her day will come (: It was devastating to me since that was the one thing in my life that matttered most, but I did realize she was inexperienced and misinformed by an angry, hormonal teenager. She meant well, she was just young and naieve with no life experience in such matters. Kudos to you for analyzing that statement! Hopefully you have a good relationship with her, but yikes. You can never love your kids too much. Yes we need a life outside of our kids while they’re growing up, super important and healthy for all involved. That being said, what a gift to give a child to be so devoted, loving, caring and aware. Thanks for your encouragement and support God Bless! Darlene
Thank you for your sweet reply!
It’s makes my heart leap with resonance that other mother’s stuggle with the same feelings as I do. It can feel so isolating sometimes. Kudos to you for turning your trials into open doorways of healing for yourself and other moms. I wish I had found your website two years ago….it’s been hard walking this path alone. Everything happens as it should and I feel blessed to have found your little piece of peace on the world wide web. 
It’s a bridge for us all to communicate and encourage each other on our paths. We truly are in this river together. All of us! I’ve moved back to where the trauma started two years ago, and am slowly rebuilding the bonds with my kids. And as scary as it is to be here again I feel like the Universe is giving me gifts to finding my strength (like your website 
). Thank you again for opening your heart and sharing your insights with the world. It is a rare gift that I appreciate immensley! Your love for your daughter is cradling her spirit and will one day bring her back home, healthy and whole. You are a wise mama!
Love, Love, Love!
I think most of us do (: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! River, I love that, I used to call myself that when I was silly teen for a short period of time. I love that expression
“Go in Peace … Oh, then, let your peace be like a river flowing” From one of Spurgeons famous sermons. I think when you realize and appreciate that everything happens as it should you can have peace in the midst of the storm, knowing that God is in control and will make ALL things for good for those who love Him. Thankyou for the beautiful sentiment, love cradling her spirit, it’s a gift, thanks (: Lets ride in this boat together! Lets make it a raft that just floats along, drifting at times when we can just lay back and rest but then jump up and ride the rapids HEAD ON with excitement, focus and JOY!!! God Bless, Darlene
Woohoo! Yes, lets enjoy this ride!
And when it gets rough, we’ll throw our hands up in the air and shriek in the delight of being alive 
Your words made me think of a poem a dear friend of mine in Portland wrote many moons ago……
Be,
as water is,
without friction.
Flow around the edges
of those within your path.
Surround within your ever-moving depths
those who come to rest there —
enfold them, while never for a moment holding on.
Accept whatever distance
others are moved within your flow.
Be with them gently
as far as they allow your strength to take them,
and fill with your own being
the remaining space when they are left behind.
When dropping down life’s rapids,
froth and bubble into fragments if you must,
knowing that the one of you now many
will just as many times be one again.
And when you’ve gone as far as you can go,
quietly await your next beginning.
We are in this river together! You are a fabulous write, Darlene! What a gift! Its so very inspiring. Words can be a very healing way of processing emotions that we dont understand. Art too! Have spent the past 3 years working on some healing art that has shed light on many lessons that I was confused about. Would love to share with you sometime in return for what you’ve shared with me.
Thank you again for being you! 
Blessings,
Anarae
Hi Darlene,
I watched the Hills from day 1 and it has always been very apparent that you have a very strong bond with all you children and that you want the best for them… As a married woman, thinking about children in the future, I only hope to have the strength and courage that you so honestly display in the occasions it is shared with everyone on TV. I think your situation is difficult with Heidi, but a daughters love for her mother NEVER fades and as she gets older (she is just a BABY now), she will realize how much she needs you… My mom is my hero and I cherish every moment with her (although she is across the country from me!). Never lose faith in the fact that you are a wonderful mother and your children will ALWAYS need you =) All my best to you and your family…
You are right on, I love all of my kids more every day regardless of any possible circimstances, I love them unconditionally. What a blessing to have such a wonderful relationship with your mom (: I’ll NEVER lose faith!! Thanks for taking the time to encourage me, God Bless, Darlene
BTW….
May your day be filled with many magical mom moments! 
Happy Birthday!!!
Hey Darlenee, my name is Alyssa I live on the east coast but have always been a huge fan of the hills I watched Heids ever since she was on Laguna Beach with Lauren. I think it is so good that you made this blog; I am actually 20 years old and I relate myself to Hedi all the Time she is such a beautiful girl with a great heart! I understand what I was watching was “reality” but I actually had the chanceabout a year ago to speak with Heidi when she was letting her fans call her fan line and she was such a sweat heart! I love her totally wish I could meet her! I really honestly from what I have seen of you think ur a great motheryou remind me of my mom because she is like my bestfriend I tell her everything and I understand how tuff it is to not like ur daughter husband.. It happened with my brother when he was deployed over seas his wife who I didn’t like as well as my family didnt like finally ended up cheating on him and becoming pregnant .. They r now divorced but let me tell you it was dreadful when they were together because we barley talked to him so I understand yoursituation completely and if I kmow Heidi being like me she will come back to you.. Never loose hope because I didn’t with my brother and everything is so much better now Heidi will cone around but for now I’m always here to give u insight on a girl of my ages point of view. I hope this helps alittle -lyss xoxo
She LOVED talikng with her fans, it was a blessing to her too! It does my heart so good to hear from someone who has experienced the real Heidi, she is so loving, kind and generous. If you met her it would be even more clear. She radiates, her light illuminates every room she enters. I’m sorry for the situation your family endured but hopefully you are all closer as a result. My family is closer because of what we have all been through, God has made it all for good and continues to do so. I appreciate your young, wise perspective, thanks for taking the time to share. God Bless, Darlene XOXOX
Hi Darlene !
First of all….hang in there ! Life will turn around for you. You have always struck me as an incredible loving mother. The issues with your youngest daughter will also be resolved….as soon as she grows up and realizes what is important in life. I have been a single mother for over 16 years, raising 3 kids (2 boys and 1 girl) completely on my own. The strength comes from God and within you to make it through the tough times. My daughter (15) is an incredible gifted singer/songwriter and was just recently signed to a major record label. My sole focus with her is to secure her financial future and keep her grounded and humble, which she is. My two older sons are both college students on 4 year academic scholarships. They all learned the value of hard work when they were very young as I taught by example. You have done that as well. Just know that there are a lot of Moms and others out there that you inspire and who have respect for you.
Life is so good……..even the tough times.
I really loved reading your blog and can identify with what you are going through.
WOW! That’s AWESOME! CONGRATULATIONS! What a testament to your deep love for your family. I wish your daughter all the best and hope all her dreams come true. Heid too had those same goals, I believe she will achieve them eventually as well. Have you ever read “The Color of Water” by James McBride? One of my FAVORITE books of all times! True story, Single Polish mom with polio raise 6 kids alone in Harlem dirt poor. All 6 of her kids get college degrees with highly succesful careers plus, plus, plus! Right up your alley! Life is good and God is GREAT! Thanks for sharing an ispirational sucess story! God Bless! Darlene (:
Darlene,
I am so happy to find this website. I am not a mother, however I do struggle with my relationship with my own Mom. So much of what you say brings light to how my own Mom must feel. I am the youngest of 4, the oldest being 32 and me being 24. My parents have had an empty house now for 6 years, and after reading some of your posting, I can’t imagine what that is like for them. I appreciate your time and dedication to this blog, through you I find myslef closer to my Mom, thank you.
Hilary
Aw, you sound like an AMAZING daughter! Certainly they are beyond blessed to have you in their lives, Thanks for taking the time to write and encourage me! God Bless, Darlene
I appreciate your honesty and strength, better times are soon to come. Keep your positive attitude, money comes and goes, you can always rebuild and start a new chapter, maybe as a writer???
THANKS! I’m trying (: I’ve started a book, we’ll see! I appreciate youre encouragement and support, God Bless, Darlene
Hi Darlene! I recognized you on TV from an old pic. My late grandma, C.H., was your aunt. Anyway, my oldest is 18 years old and I couldn’t imagine going through what you have. I hope that your relationship with your daughter gets better and she comes back to you soon. You’re right, being a parent is a hard job. Good luck with your family and everything you do! God Bless! Sandy
We’re family? I’d love details if you want to email me privately at darlene@darleneegelhoff.com. My FAVORITE AUNT’s initials are C.H.!!! My one and only, I dint know the others but ADORED HER!!! I would LOOOOOVE to talk to you (: Blessings, Darlene
I first got to know you in The Hills. I just found out about you in reading the People. and came to these site. Now you are amazing. After all the things. We are like Metamorphosizing, if that is a word, we all go through these WE can’t give up for anything or any body. WE all grow into bigger and better like Metamorphosizing into beatiful betterflies. Dont stop or slow down be postive.
Thank you! I am grateful for all of my countless blessings. Life is Good and God is GREAT! Life gets better every day, Thanks for writing, Blessings, Darlene
Your blog is linked from People.com now. That’s quite an accomplishment! I hope you gain more followers as you continue on your journey. Blessings on your family as you transition through the phases of motherhood.
Thnak you SO MUCH! I appreciate your support (: God Bless, Darlene
Just wanted to drop by and say hi! It’s been too many years since I’ve seen you. I think the last time we went skiing somewhere in NH with Robin. I have fabulous memories of you from growing up and I know that you are a fabulous mother! So proud to call you a friend. Whenever I hear JT’s You’ve got a friend, I always think of you! Know we all keep you dear in our hearts!
-Renee
Darlene ~ I had never heard of your daughter, Heidi, until tonight when I was flipping thru channels and saw the televised reaction you had to her plastic surgery. I felt for you. I could see you were trying so hard to be supportive, but hurting, and struggling to find the ability to tell your daughter what you felt she needed to hear. She hurt you by purposely erasing the very things that made her HER, and I felt it was very inconsiderate for her to never think about how that might effect YOU. What must it be like to know you will NEVER, EVER see a face again that once belonged to someone you love so much? I was angry that she did not care how that might have made you feel. Perhaps H. will only understand when she loves someone more than herself … maybe when she, herself, is a Mom.
Your blog’s great. You’re an amazing woman. You remind me a lot of my own mother; an adventurous spirit, a desire to understand and support her children and learn new ways of being in our lives as we continued to change and grow. She loved us thru our mistakes and she was always there when we finally pulled our heads out. Here is what I would tell my Mom RIGHT NOW, if I could. “Mom… you were right about everything when I was too shallow and pig headed, too inexperienced and self absorbed, to understand. You were my best friend every time you did not tell me what I wanted to hear, but instead told me what I needed to hear. When I woke up and realized I had no friends, you were there. You forgave me for every mistake. You showed me what it means to be a wise and beautiful woman. I wish we’d had more time together. Now that I’ve learned hard lessons and I am longing to give back all the love & unconditionality you were always so generous with, you are gone. And I miss you, every day, with everything that I am.” My Mom was healthy & young. She died of multiple brain tumors 7 weeks after her diagnosis. We had a beautiful relationship, but we missed out on many things. There was never time to say goodbye; when I realized I needed to, she couldn’t understand what I was saying anymore. When I realized all the things that she needed to hear, I was unable to share them with her. Although I know that in her heart is the truth of who I am and how much I love her, I really… really… wish that I would have taken the opportunity to tell her when I just didn’t know it would be my last. It would be so cool to have the opportunity to just be together again, to watch the clouds go by, to dream of how we would change the world together! You’re an inspiring woman, Darlene, and I hope very much that your daughter realizes what a beautiful and empowering relationship she is choosing to abandon, while simultaneously erasing every bit of evidence of the women she is part of by surgically altering her face. She has a lot to learn. I can only hope that her heart will eventually be able to come back to the surface, and that she’ll realize the beautiful and REAL opportunities that are available to her… like you.
Best to you, and thanks for your blog.
Sunflower
She didn’t hurt me purposefully, she felt hurt and betrayed by me, I understand. Most twenty somethigns thing primarily of them selves, their frontal lobes arente even fully developed. Thats the narcissistic, self preserving part of the brain, you still think the world revolves around you. She wasn’t trying to disrespect or hurt me by choosing to do what she did but rather was trying to make herself happy… too much for here. Most of us, sounds like yourself included, have rebeled against our parents in some way for the purpose of self exploration and a need to find our own way in life, Heidi is an extreme case of this as well. You have shared beautiful things about your mom and your relationship with her, I have NO DOUBT that she has heard every wors and is beaming with pride and love at this very moment for you, her precious daughter. I have an upcoming post about the gift it can be to know when you will die, to be able to share such deep feelings, most people dont get that. Living with regret is a diservice to the one who has passed. Remeber the beautiful moments, thats where they are right now and you should be too. Guilt is not from God but love is. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and support, and for sharing such apersonal story, God Bless, Darlene
once i read one of your posts, i couldn’t stop. i was specially drawn to your stories about sky. he seems like such a fine young man. you’ve done a good job of raising him. i’m the mother of 2 young boys so my journey is just beginning. for some reason, sky reminds me of my boy. i wish you and your family well as you go through this difficult period in your life. but with the love from your family, i’m sure you’ll pull through.
AMAZING STORY ABOUT SKY NEXT POST!!!! He is SOOOOOOOO DREAMY!!! Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate your taking the time to encourage me, God Bless, Darlene (:
Dear Darlene!
I am a twentythree year old girl from Germany and have spent one year in Nebraska when I was in Highschool. So now I have two mothers
I really love both of them and I will introduce them to your blog for sure as I am sure any loving mother can find herself in what you are saying. It is very heartwarming and reading it I feel the bond I have with both of my Moms. You have a wonderful style of writing, it seems very honest! Reading some of your comments makes me want to call my Mothers and tell them how much I love & miss them!
So…thank you, I wish you ALL the best!
Best regards
Tina from Munich, Germany
Darlene,
I think what you are doing is great. Here are my answers to the questions you pose:
*Where does genuine motherly love & concern cross over into obsession, possessiveness or control? When your concerns overrule theirs and you don’t see that what is the best thing for them may have nothing to do with you.
* When are we overly involved in our child’s affairs, beginning in preschool and continuing when they are adults? When you 100% accept it’s not about you.
*Do I need my children in my life to be happy? No
*Can I even survive without them? Yes, and you should.
*Am I in a codependent relationship with them? Not sure, but have my concerns.
*Can I possibly be happier when they leave? Yes.
*Will my husband finally be given his deserved place as first in my life? Hopefully, if that’s what you want.
*Will I finally pursue my own dreams & discover who I truly am? Hopefully, if that’s wwhat you want.
*Aren’t we ultimately responsible for ALL our kids do good & bad? No, we are not.
*Should our worth as parents be based on our kids successes & accomplishments? No, it should not.
* How about when bad things happen to good parents? Same as when bad things happen to good people that are not parents…s**t happens.
NICE! I love it!!! Good answers! (:
dear darlene,
i am a 42yo who is the mum of a 4yo girl and as an aussie girl ive discovered that it doesnt matter where were from were really all the same.
i too was a little emotional like heidi when i was younger. i ran 2500kms away when i was 19 for the wrong guy. it didnt matter what anyone said only i could see “the good” in my man. this ofcourse didnt last. while i fought for him and tried to prove he was so good, deep down i knew this wasnt right.
its not easy saying that your wrong and admitting that “yes you are right mum” but slowly i did start to re-establish a relationship with my mum.
i think that the turning point was the day mum called me and said that she doesnt want to fight any more and that if this is the guy i want then so be it. soon i really started to look at my relationship and asked myself what am i fighting for, this guy doesnt really love me its all about me the possesion. once this light went on i was out of there!!!!
it took 3 years to come home, back to my mum but now nearly 20 years later i call my mum nearly everyday and now that im a mum i just hope that i can fight for my girl as hard as my mum fought for me.
dont give up. let her know you love her, support her and when she needs you, youll be there and i hope she will wake up, get rid of the loooooooooooooooooooooser and come home to her mum and a real life. the life she so deserves.
love and all the best
natalie
I’ll never give up, I’m glad things have worked out for you. Even though your story sounds tough, it is encouraging. Thanks for taking the time to share it with me and encourage me. God Bless, Darlene (:
You blog was mentioned on E.T and I decided to have a look.
Your situation is different, but also similar to my family.
My sister has dealt with a mental illness for the 10 years or so. She has put us through hell and back, yet my parents have stood by her always.
Sometimes we have not spoken to her for years, but she always finds a way to come back to us. No matter how much anger and hate, she knows my parents will always be there, and arms wide open when she returns.
I hope Heidi finds a way of coming back to you.
I could not imagine your situation, as it must be so much harder because you are in the public eye.
I’m sorry for the struggles in your family. Sounds like you have pretty strong, loving, wonderful parents and are truly blessed. Thanks for taking the time to share your story and encourage me. God Bless, Darlene (;
I’ve followed your journey and think you’re a truly amazing person.
Stay strong!
Love from Canada,
Marie-Claude
How VERY kind! Thank you SO MUCH! God Bless, Darlene (:
Darlene,
I love to read your blog
Your family seams to be so warm and kind
And i think you are a great person, truly loving full of life and an amazing mom!!
God bless you & your family
/Josie 20 year, Sweden
Dearest Darlene,
You are indeed, an inspiration and a role model to young girls and women of all ages! Follow your heart and give yourself some well deserved credit! Though you may not be sure, but many are reading YOUR blog for a reason, because you are honest and real and speak to the hearts of so many! God Bless and thank you for taking the time to open your heart to all of us and allowing us to do the same with you!
Aw, Thank you! How very sweet! Thanks for the encouragement and support, I appreciate your taking the time to write. God Bless and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! (:
Hello Darlene
I’ve just discovered your blog.
I’m a student from Scotland and whilst I’m not a mother I’ve felt very touched by your blog. I will be sure to try out the Colorado recipes.
Have a fabulous Christmas.
Katie. x
Hi Darlene,
I’ve only recently come across your blog, however I followed your story through the series of the Hill’s with much admiration. I hope 2011 holds some wonderful times for you and your family – you are an exceptionally positive and inspiring person!
Love from Australia,
Alice x
THANKYOU!!! How very kind! I’m happy to have you! (: God Bless
Hi
I’m from Australia, and I just wanted to say very quickly, anyone would be VERY lucky to have a mother like you, mate. Hope all is well.
Kind regards,
Marie
Geebung, Brisbane, Australia